Halloween

Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” plays more like an exhaustingly sadistic ode to 1970’s grindhouse cinema than as a respectable homage to one of the greatest horror films ever created. Fully equipped with sex and gore galore, every frame of this misguided downer seems to be in search of some bloodcurdling significance that just isn’t there. Zombie buries his audience in amusing but otherwise ineffectual back-story that attempts to put the gruesome crimes of Michael Myers into context, but ultimately ends up constructing just another dismal tale of a tortured child turned serial killer.

For fans expecting something new and exciting, I regret to inform you that most of what occurs feels like it could’ve come from any low-budget schlockfest released within the past few decades. Everything that made John Carpenter’s 1978 version a classic appears to be lost in translation as Zombie trudges through the material without any drive or revitalizing passion. At no point did I experience any form of terror or uneasiness, so for a film whose main agenda is to instill fear into its audience, I found it to be very lackadaisical in its execution.

As for the story, not even the characters are capable of gaining any sympathy from the viewer, because they’re too caught up in adolescent sex talk to be taken seriously. 18-year-old Scout Taylor-Compton steps into the role of babysitter Laurie Strode, but lacks the earnest likeability that Jamie Lee Curtis so prominently displayed in the original. Her unabashed potty mouth doesn’t fit with the character’s previous behavior and eventually hinders the ability for her performance to work on any level.

At 6’8, former pro wrestler Tyler Mane becomes the tallest actor to portray Michael Myers and for the most part, he does it convincingly. But then again, the role doesn’t exactly require much more than a physically intimidating presence, so I guess you’re limited as to just how far this character can go. Zombie tries to bring a human side to this homicidal boogeyman, but I think the premise was a lot scarier when no explanation for his rampage was ever provided. In the end, he becomes more of a novelty than anything else and the eerie mystique he once possessed evaporates rather quickly.

Did I expect this to be an instant classic? Of course not, but I hoped that Zombie would at least offer a refreshing take on the story by providing enough thrills and intrigue to justify the film’s existence. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out that way. The only reason to see this film should be for the stellar performance of Malcolm McDowell as Michael‘s psychiatrist, because he literally holds things together when Zombie goes on cruise-control. Zombie’s unique talents as a director are evident, but until he finds an effective method of displaying them, the results will not be pretty.

- * ½ out of 4