Watchmen

Disclaimer - I've yet to read the graphic novel, so every reaction is based solely on the film itself.

Now that I’ve had some time to digest all 162 minutes of Zack Snyder’s ponderous adaptation of “Watchmen,” I think it’s time to sort through the wreckage of this ambitious yet terminally flawed project. During the miraculously executed opening montage, I kept thinking that I was about to experience something truly fanciful and reflective, but it was only a matter of time before delight turned to despair. I wanted to like it.

Actually, I thought pretty highly of it walking out of the theatre and was eager to see it again just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Alas, reality set in and what I initially believed to be an out-of-this-world piece of pulp noir was reduced to just another insipid riff on the superhero’s dilemma.

Instead of serving up a standard review, I decided to highlight what I liked and didn’t like about this film separately, because I’m admittedly a little unsure of the long-term impact this picture will have on critics and fanboys alike. But enough small talk. Let’s get down to business.

Likes –

The Opening Sequence – Set to Bob Dylan’s anthemic “The Times They Are A-Changin’,” the first ten minutes provide a splendid Gump-esque glimpse into the history of the Watchmen and how their intervention in such events as Vietnam and Watergate helped shape the bizarro 1985 in which the story is set. Watching Dr. Manhattan singlehandedly eliminate the North Vietnamese army is one of the more amusing sights here, but the coolness of it all is too great to last as Snyder is never able to recapture the thrill of this first act.

Rorschach – I’m probably not the first (or the last) to say this, but Jackie Earle Haley owns this movie. As the resident sociopath of the troupe, he narrates the film with an alarming tenor reminiscent of Christian Bale’s bat voice and patrols the streets looking to eviscerate every sordid scumbag in sight. It’s when his inkblot mask comes off that we really get the sense of an angst-ridden soul out for justice, but however fanatically blood-spattered the unmasking period is, the intrigue quickly evaporates once the mask goes back on.

The Comedian – He’s pompous, loutish, and despicable, but Jeffrey Dean Morgan dives into this character with reckless abandon. Although he’s shown mostly through flashbacks, we get the sense that Edward Blake enjoys being a boozing womanizer just as much as a supposed hero, because saving people just doesn’t feel as gratifying without a little something for the effort. Seeing as how most of the other characters are dull and uninspiring, I wouldn’t mind seeing a film based on The Comedian himself. At least that would have some soul.

The Soundtrack – Other than the aforementioned Dylan tune, here are some of the other songs littered throughout the film:

“All Along the Watchtower” – Jimi Hendrix
“The Sounds of Silence” – Simon and Garfunkel
“Hallelujah” – Leonard Cohen (During the sex scene, no less)
“Me and Bobby McGee” – Janis Joplin
“I’m Your Boogie Man” – K.C. and the Sunshine Band
“Unforgettable” – Nat King Cole

I enjoyed this eclectic mix of music a great deal, but still found the placement of certain songs to be awkward and clichéd.

Zack Snyder – From what diehard fans tell me, “Watchmen” is the most faithful comic book adaptation ever made and Snyder should be commended for taking on such a risky project. I agree with the latter to a certain extent, because if it’s really identical to the novel, it’s not Snyder’s fault that the material doesn’t translate well to the screen. I enjoyed his work on “Dawn of the Dead” very much and found “300” entertaining enough, so I don’t think it’s fair to blame everything on him. He made the film he wanted and, for me, it just didn’t pan out the way I hoped it would.

Dislikes –

Nite Owl, Silk Spectre II, Ozymandias, and Dr. Manhattan – None of these characters did anything to enhance my experience and I could’ve easily done without them.

Patrick Wilson – He’s a fine actor with a résumé that includes “Hard Candy,” “Little Children” and “Lakeview Terrace,” but he feels wasted behind a whiny character that resembles a middle-school science teacher more than a conflicted vigilante.

Malin Akerman – “Her interpretation of this character teeters between adorable and offensively annoying, but if that’s indeed how the character was written, she’s more than done her job.”

I wrote the above line about Akerman in my review of “The Heartbreak Kid” back in 2007 and I think it manages to sum up her work as Silk Spectre II just the same.

Matthew Goode – I don’t watch the show, but I have to think that the conniving women on “Gossip Girl” exhibit more sparkling malice that Goode does as Ozymandias.

Billy Crudup – The role of Dr. Manhattan doesn’t require much emotion, so I felt Crudup’s range wasn’t tested enough to warrant discussion. He’s buried by subpar effects and deserved better material.

Special Effects – The much-anticipated visual effects resulted in a mixed bag. At times, they’re the most incredible display you’ve ever seen and at others, they look like something out of Roland Emmerich’s “10,000 B.C.”

For example, the scene in which Dr. Manhattan and Silk Spectre II are having a discussion on Mars is just awful.

I think my biggest issue with the film is that too many stretches exist where I was left wondering why the creators let things slip away so quickly. The promise established by the first few scenes was tremendous to say the least and for a project that took this long to be developed, it should’ve been much more consequential.

- ** ½ out of 4